self harm (mh awareness week 7/7)

This week has been The Mental Health Foundation’s “Mental Health Awareness Week” 2019 (13-19th May). In honour of this, I have posted seven blogs for seven days with a theme of mental health. This is the final one in the series and is on self harm.

Self-harm is a difficult topic for most people, I think that people are becoming more accepting of mental health issues, but self-harm still seems to be very much stigmatised. 

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into deep stories, just some little tips and facts for those suffering and things that others should maybe know. However, still take this as a trigger warning.

Not everyone who self-harms wants to die. I feel like this is a common thing, people assume that if you hurt yourself then you must also want to kill yourself. There are so many reasons for self-harm behaviours and they differ from person to person.

Firstly, People don’t just cut their arms. In fact, people will often choose places where they know that they can easily hide it, like their thigh.

But, in line with that, people shouldn’t have to hide their scars.

If you see someone with scars that you think may be from self-harm, please try not to stare, it makes them feel insanely uncomfortable, especially if they are someone who isn’t ready to tell people where the scars came from. If you want to ask about it, be sure to do so in a comfortable environment for the individual, rather than at their place of work for example in front of loads of people. But start by asking them if you can ask, rather than just outright saying “how did you get that scar?” Because it places an insane amount of pressure on them to tell you, or to quickly make up some fake story. This way if they don’t want to talk about it, they can politely turn you down and they won’t have to feel bad about it. Or just let them know that you’re available if they want to talk, they’ll appreciate the sentiment and it allows them to decide whether they want to talk about it with you when they’re ready. 

It’s important to realise that not everyone uses razors/ blades. There are so many different forms of self-harm from punching a wall to burning your skin. No one form is “worse” than the other, they are all self-harm behaviours and should be recognised in this way.

Please don’t say things like “just stop” to someone struggling with self harm. It’s extremely dismissive and is likely to make them feel awful because they wish they could just stop, but it’s not that simple.

If you’re trying to stop self-harming; keep a record of when you do (or don’t) so that you can keep track of your progress. Also, remember it is totally okay to have slip-ups, it’s just a bump in the road and doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Invest in a tangle. My counsellor gave me one of these and it’s been great, If you’re someone like me who constantly picks at the skin around your fingers or your nails due to anxiety, a tangle works wonders as it gives you something to do with your hands. Most of the time when I pick my hands I don’t even realise I’m doing it and I think that’s quite common in people who have this habit, so as soon as you realise; pick up a tangle, or any kind of sensory toy (fidget spinner, fidget cube, squishy, stress ball) and use it to distract your hands. You can get them super cheap on ebay and I’m selling some custom ones to raise funds for Mental Health Aberdeen over at @tawsetreats on instagram.

Self harm is a coping mechanism. Therefore the most effective way to stop is to replace it with a healthy, more positive coping mechanism. Some effective ones include punching a punch bag or exercising in general, you still get that same endorphins and channel the emotions you’re experiencing into something healthy.

However, I am personally against the regular “substitutes” such as drawing on your skin with red pen, holding an ice cube, snapping a rubber band on your skin etc. A lot of these are actually still arguable self-harm behaviours, snapping a rubber band on your arm is still harming yourself. There was a survey on S.A.F.E website which showed that more than half of people who engaged in these sort of “substitutes” desire to harm themselves actually increased after this. 

So, if you can, channel the emotion into something else entirely. Something which won’t cause any injury. For instance; draw, read, call a friend, talk with someone, go for a walk, cleaning anything which creates a distraction from the overwhelming emotions you’re feeling. 

Most importantly, find someone you can confide in and talk to about what’s going on. The weight it takes off your shoulders is unreal and you will feel so much better, this can be the first step to stopping self harm.