end of first-year​ uni/reflection (mh awareness week 4/7)

This week is The Mental Health Foundation’s “Mental Health Awareness Week” 2019 (13-19th May). In honour of this, I will be posting a blog post each day this week with the theme of mental health. This one celebrates me completing the first year of university and reflects on how much has changed in the last year.

I have just finished my first year at the University of Aberdeen studying a joint honours degree in Business and Psychology. In itself, this was a big accomplishment for me but it’s also made me realise just how much has changed in a year, so if things aren’t quite where you want them to then just remember how much can change in a year. Often it’s little changes that you may not even notice until you look back and reflect on them, but they’ll have made some sort of impact.

This time last year I had an unconditional offer to UoA which was my first choice as I wanted to do joint honours and stay in Aberdeen at home. I was doing my exams for two higher and two advanced higher subjects. Admittedly, I did not try as hard as I usually would since I knew my grades wouldn’t really impact anything, but surprisingly still managed to pass all of those exams (and an A in one of them). 

Now I’ve just finished all of my first-year modules and exams and get my results at the end of the month. Defo one of my favourite things about uni compared to SQA is not having to wait like three months for your results. Not to mention that most of my modules are largely dependant on coursework as well as the exam, rather than leaving it all down to a final exam. I passed all my winter semester modules and hoping for the same this semester because who would want to spend summer doing resits of accounting?!

This time last year I was also considering not going to uni. It had always been the plan but I had started to panic about not knowing anyone and how I would cope.

Now I’m so glad that I went and I’m even looking at postgraduate degrees. I am proud of myself and this achievement regardless of whatever grades I get as I know I was struggling with the concept of even attending uni, now I’ve done it for an entire academic year.

This time last year I started my first official job and was nervous about doing things wrong, not knowing people etc.

Now I still do things wrong and have learnt it’s totally normal and is clearly a part of who I am (and I’m glad my coworkers embrace this!).

This time last year I had just paid off my girls holiday to Magaluf and was getting really anxious about it already. I felt so stupid being anxious about going away with my best friends but it was a change to my usual family holidays and not having to worry about airport check-ins, security, losing my passport, keeping all my documents safe etc. 

Now I’ve booked Magaluf again and I know what I’m doing now and the familiarity takes off so much pressure and anxiety around it. 

Also, in three months I will be in the middle of my summer course “Clinical Skills in the treatment of anxiety and depression” at Radboud University in Nijmegen the Netherlands. This was covered in full by a bursary (course tuition, travel cost and subsidiary allowance) from the University of Aberdeen and Santander. I applied on a whim, thought they were only selecting about ten participants to be awarded the bursary, it was unlikely I would get it. But then in March, I got the news that I had been selected! This was something I was super excited about but also anxiety levels were high; I’d be going to a foreign county where I’d never been, I’d be going totally on my own and wouldn’t know anyone there, not to mention doing all the travelling myself. I felt it was too good an opportunity to miss so I went for it. 

This time last year I would’ve never thought I’d even consider going away myself for a week, but here I am feeling super excited about it. 

This time last year I was only willing to talk about my mental health with a handful of people.

Now I am willing to talk with anyone and I do a lot to encourage others to do the same. This is because I believe the main reason I didn’t want to speak out was that I was scared of judgement from others and I don’t want that for others. I feel we should all be able to talk out about our experiences without fear of judgement.

This time last year I hated how I looked and would cry in the mirror almost daily.

Now I still have these days quite a lot, but I’m trying to be more body positive and tell myself that it isn’t the most important thing in the world. I’m hoping that next year I’ll be able to reflect and realise how much better I feel in myself and how my attitude has changed.

This time last year I was scared as most of my friends were moving to different cities and I was scared that my support system was crumbling, which would ultimately lead to me crumbling as well.

Now I have a totally different support system and I am so grateful for those that are there to support me and allow me to support them.

I’ve noticed a lot of changes in myself as a person, I’m more confident, motivated and independent, but most importantly I am happier. Honestly, I can’t wait to see where I’m at next May.