what I wish people knew about self harm

In light of self harm awareness day on the 1st of March I’ve written this post on what I wish people knew about self harm. As the title probably suggests, this could be triggering content.

Self harm isn’t (always) a cry for attention. Sometimes people may self harm in visible places the hope someone notices and gives them the help they need, because they don’t want to directly ask. But there are so many reasons for self harm behaviours and they are very rarely “attention seeking” . In my personal experience I have found the reasons to be coping with overwhelming thoughts and stopping the thoughts for a few moments, or punishing yourself such as hurting your body because you don’t like the way it looks.

Self harm isn’t always a suicide attempt either. There is obviously a correlation between self harm and suicide but these can come totally separately. People can self harm with no suicidal thoughts or intentions, in the same way people can commit suicide with no prior self harm behaviours.

Self harm is ANY behaviour that causes any form of injury – no matter how minor that injury may be. A study conducted in 2006 on college students found that scratching/pinching skin to the point that there were marks and/or bleeding was the most common reported method of self harm, present in over half of the respondents. Cutting was only seen in about 1/3 of the respondents. Burning the skin, impact with oneself (hitting self with an object or by yourself) and trichotillomania (pulling hair) are other common forms of self harm. I really wish that people understood that there is more to self harm than just cutting and that no matter how minor the injuries are, if someone is intentionally hurting themselves then that is self harm.

Drawing on my own experience, I was referred to my local mental health hospital for an initial assessment. When I left that assessment I felt awful for a variety of reasons (I don’t feel it was conducted properly at all..) but the main reason for this was because of the attitude toward my self harm behaviours. I had always downplayed my self harm behaviours because I didn’t tend to cut myself but thanks to my counsellor I was starting to realise that what I was doing was still damaging and I needed help to stop. However, this assessor treated me with total disregard. He basically said that because I wasn’t using knives to cut myself then it wasn’t serious. He gave me some leaflets and sent me on my way. Luckily in my case I had a good support system and already had a counsellor to help me through this, but even still I felt awful. I felt like I was a total fool, like I had been right originally and it didn’t even matter. I thought this behaviour was okay, it didn’t matter and I should just continue, and I did just that.

I wish people knew how hard it can be to talk about self harm. I’ve always found it difficult to talk about, even to my best friends and family, it’s an undeniably uncomfortable topic for so many people. If someone seems to cage up, don’t push them.

I wish people wouldn’t see a scar or bandage and point it out in front of people. If you’re genuinely concerned about someone, ask them in private, don’t humiliate them about such a sensitive topic.

Most importantly, self harm can get better. If you have a relapse, see it as that; just a hiccup, it doesn’t mean your progress has been erased. Whether you go one day, one week, one month or ten years without self harming, it is a massive achievement. Be proud of yourself, no matter what, you are strong.