opening up about mental health

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I felt my first post should be something personal but important.

I’ve always been rather private when it comes to my mental health. In 2019 I am willing to change that.

I really wish mental health weren’t such a taboo topic and that people did not feel ashamed to speak of their struggles, because it’s not our fault. But that’s the issue with mental illnesses, they cause you to overthink and you end up thinking it is your fault. It’s not. I got this tattoo as a reminder of how far I’ve come, “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chose to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.” 

I owe a lot to my counsellor at ACIS youth Aberdeen who has dealt with me week in and week out for over two years. Counselling isn’t an easy thing to start, it takes a lot of time and self-preparation before you feel ready to first go. It will more than likely take a good few sessions before you feel any sort of comfort at your session. Some sessions are more useful than others, sometimes you may feel like you’re wasting time, but talking to someone is always beneficial no matter how much you are saying.

You can donate £10 to this amazing charity by texting ACYS07 to 70070. Donations are the only way to ensure they continue being able to offer free counselling (usually average of £40 a session) to young people in Aberdeen. 

It’s also nothing to be ashamed of. Counselling was always something I kept very private, I have spent most of the last two years making up excuses about where I would be for the next hour. It is not something to be ashamed of, in fact consider it something to be proud of; you have the bravery to accept help and open up to someone about your life who is essentially a complete stranger. 

I also think that it’s important to stop antidepressants being such a taboo topic. People are ashamed to admit that they take these daily, or are ashamed to even ask for them. I have been on antidepressants for seven months now and I urge anyone who thinks they would benefit from this form of treatment to speak to a health provider. It’s important to recognise that pills aren’t a magic cure for mental illnesses, but that they can help motivate you to take the steps toward feeling better. You may still have bad days, days where you think the world is cruel, but you will also have days where you appreciate your life and realise how far you’ve come.

As a society we need a better approach toward mental health, we need to stop making assumptions. For one, mental illness is different for everyone. Not everyone experiences it in the same way. That also means that people’s issues should not be dismissed just because they don’t present them in the typical form that we expect, someone can have anxiety but go on a stage in front of thousands. They have overcame the fear, but it doesn’t mean that their anxiety doesn’t exist or it is less important than someone else’s. Someone can have depression but spend their days laughing and smiling. People with depression can have good days too, and they’re also great at faking a smile for the benefit of those around them. 

You may think someone is “fine” because they’re posting on social media, but social media is fake. It’s usually a presentation of the best parts of our lives and very rarely includes the worst parts. It is so important not to compare your life, the good and bad, to someone else’s snippets of their life which they’ve edited for social media.

We also need to stop saying things such as “it could be worse” , “you’re overreacting”, “get over it” or “snap out of it”. These are the kinds of statements which tick over and over in people’s minds and can lead them to think that they shouldn’t speak up. People are afraid of judgement. Don’t make people feel as though they are being judged. 

We need to stop saying that people are “attention seeking”, because speaking about your struggles is something that most people find very difficult to do. And sometimes, people do seek attention as they want to get better, which is why we have to listen to everyone’s.

It is so important to be kind to anyone, at any chance you get, because you have no idea how much your words and actions can impact a person’s mental state. This goes for both positive and negative acts or comments, they can both have a lasting impact. 

Oh and PLEASE, if you notice someone has scars or wounds which you believe may have been caused by self harm, do not ask them about it in public. By all means, ask if they’re doing okay, but do it in a one on one situation. Asking someone about this topic when they’re with a group of people is likely to make them clam up, not start a conversation about it which could help them get the help they need. 

If you think someone is struggling with their mental health, just check they’re okay, let them know they matter to you. And to anyone struggling, it is OKAY to want to be alone, alone time can be great , but being in a comfortable environment with friends and family can do a lot of good as well. 

A simple “how are you doing?” can go a long way, to let someone know that you are thinking of them. It may encourage someone to open up to you.

You don’t have to understand what they’re going through and you’re really lucky if you don’t. 

And if someone tries to open up to you, let them. Sometimes they don’t even need you to say anything, they just need to feel like someone is listening and they care. 

Most importantly, take care of yourselves.

Here’s a link to my story for the time to change campaign :

https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/simple-“how-are-you-doing”-can-go-long-way